07 Jan Finding My Ground
Before putting pen to paper/fingers to keyboard, I began rushing through the ways I could start this blog. And herein lies the problem. So much energy in the upper shelves, we literally uproot ourselves from the situation.
I always find the end of the year a time of reflection, like most I’m sure, so I can project myself towards where I want to be. And as I sat and contemplated this year, I began to see the consistent thread of upheaval. I’ve always been searching. But at the time of searching, I thought I was just learning to add tools to my kit. But I acknowledge now, it was always a quest to be better and to be part of a family. The strange thing is, once I became part of that family, I went off in search of another. I’ve hopped, skipped and danced my way around the world, experiencing all miner of movement and healing modalities, all of which have enriched my life and brought me to this point. But what I’ve done by this is keep myself in the student mentality. I’ve always felt I wasn’t good enough or that I just needed to learn a little bit more to be able to step up as the leader.
At the end of 2018, I began to get this real calling for home. The thought of being in the UK evoked a strong sensation of familiarity, depth, focus and good feelings. It felt right, it felt rich, it felt like the right time to settle. Strange seeing as I had been married for 7 years with a 4-year-old, so how had I not been settled? Because my subconscious contract was to always be on alert and to change course when things weren’t going right or my way. My two months in India studying yoga in 2012 was about making myself a better yoga teacher, and studying movement in Miami for 1 month in 2017 was about running away from the life experiences that had dropped like a tsunami and had made me lose my shit. Both allowed me to step out of the mist and see clearly, but never really allowing me to sit with the charge of life and see why I was being affected the way I was.
And then a friend put it all into perspective for me: “You’ve always been searching to be part of a family, but your family has always been here”. Survival techniques and conditioning had created a blueprint of fight and flight and to search for something that had always been right in front of me. We can sometimes look so hard for what we need, we actually miss what’s going on around us. And when trauma is involved, it keeps us in a perpetual loop of the same energy of loss.
Although I’m in tune with my body, my limbic brain blueprint of early life has ripped my roots from the ground which is why I’ve always travelled far and wide to find home. But all that curiosity has started to pay off because I now feel ready to call home, home. To be here feels right and I feel nurtured and open to whatever life throws at me.
I shall be focusing on finding my ground for 2019. My practice will look at how and why I react the way that I do. What’s the energetic exchange? What are my relationships based on? Does my foundation support me? How am I walking and communicating mentally, physically and spiritually with the earth and world? By creating a strong ground, I create a supportive, nurturing and abundant life, which is what I’ve been searching for all along.
If you would like to join me on this voyage, please contact me for 1-2-1, group (both online and in real time), workshops and retreats.