12 Jun Showing up or Shying Away
How are you approaching life and in turn how is life approaching you?
It’s true, I’m one of those people that push. I strive for better understanding, a wholesome life and lots of love because I believe we only get one life so live it with everything you have. Sometimes all that pushing can leave me feeling shattered (but this is what happens when you’re trying to create the life you wish to live in your current way of living and sometimes they’re just too many worlds apart). And this is where it can get tricky. Because when I’m tired, I get emotional and when I’m emotional I retreat, and when I retreat I make my world smaller, and when my world gets smaller I don’t understand, life isn’t wholesome and I’m not feeling the love. Basically, I stop showing up because I become overwhelmed by the visualisation of the life I want to live v’s the life I’m currently living.
When I was studying in Miami under Koncho Cameron Shayne, I had to show up every day, physically, mentally and spiritually, because I accepted him as my teacher, to guide and nurture me with his many years of experience. And by choosing him as my teacher, I surrendered everything that I thought I knew. Because what I knew was actually holding me back by stopping me from understanding something that I didn’t know (stay with me, it will all make sense I promise). And if you want to be a good mover, your mind has to know nothing so that your body can show up and do the something. Everything you believe evaluates to the world you’re currently living in. And the world you see through your thoughts and understanding creates the person you show up as.
Who’s teaching you now
When we leave the world of childhood behind, it’s liberating to feel we can do what we want without being challenged by our parents/care providers. To make our own choices, create our own lives, its like this euphoric drug of “how far can I push it”?! And this was my drug, the rebellion of coming out of a fairly suppressive childhood into the big wide world felt amazing. I went wild. No one could tell me what to do because basically, I wouldn’t listen. Eventually, that made life pretty hard. With no boundaries, I just kinda bounced through life. Never really digging deeper than the ok. And being the individual that I am, I want more than ok. I love the richness of conversation that leaves you feeling inspired, or the movement practice that liberates. I love the power of community and the plethora of branches it offers you to self development. But you have to show up to receive that. You have to step out into the upside down world (yes, I love Stranger Things) of your safe and snug comfort zone and reach out. It’s terrifying because you don’t know whats going to happen. Will you be accepted? Will what you want happen (probably not the way you expect, but it will happen)? Will it be safe and painless (no because pain is only a perception of your understanding)? You feel all crazy because you can’t control what you don’t know. But shying away can leave you in a constant state of anxiety because your containing energy within your mental, physical and spiritual being. Longing for something and never doing anything about it can create just as much pressure than stepping out into that challenge.
But a great teacher, my teacher, once said: “you don’t know what you don’t know what you don’t know”.
Interpret that how you will.