Purpose. Do we really need one?
A recent early morning journal got me all triggered and bewildered as my pen wrote the word purpose. Not going to lie, I’ve been searching for my purpose since I can remember. Searching, searching, and almost there when the world seems to change and I’m left questioning it again. And today as I sat digesting this word, I was left feeling overwhelmed and bloody fed up with it!
Purpose. How does it leave you feeling ? Have you found yours? Or are you questioning it? What. Is. PURPOSE???
When I was younger, all I wanted to do was act. Always in the school plays since primary school (or on the makeshift stage in the playground entertaining in some way shape or form), taking drama for my GCSE’s (do they still exist?), with the intention of studying it at college. But that didn’t quite work out, so everything else was pretty much a “whatever” in comparison. Until I reached a point in my PA career where I just couldn’t bear to be in the office anymore. Where I was guided back to offering massage and learning yoga. And this is where I’ve been encouraged to search for my “purpose” in what felt like an over abundant environment.
Back to that morning and my trigger towards purpose, instead of internalising this ideal myself, I reached out to my Budokon family for some inspiration. My beautiful brother Donato Helbling responded with this:
“Purpose…. I don’t think we need one, but lots of people use it to wake up every day and not have to renew their decisions. If you are waking up every day to have decide what you want to do with your life, it can consume a lot of your energy. I think purpose gives you a sensation that you have found a reason to wake up and move and feel that we matter. Because honestly, most of us could spend a few weeks in bed and our lives wouldn’t be affected that badly. So, purpose, not necessary but makes things easier. Like a car, when it breaks down you question why you have it, if you need to fix it, or change it”.
And there it was. My intention had been my retention. I was just carrying the baggage of the past that was separating me from my future. Searching had kept me from being. And through my own studies on myself and others, I’ve found that being can sometimes be so painful, so overwhelming, searching for something else is the escape route. The smokescreen. You have to choose whether you want to continuously live in all that smoke, or dare to walk out the other side.
Purpose is an ideal that makes us feel relevant, worth it, accepted and available. But being is the liberation we’re all looking for.