What do my emotions look like?
You don’t know what you can’t feel.
When I wasn’t paying attention to what mattered, filling the space so as not to feel what was really going on (you know, being busy because that made me NOT feel great about bein me), my emotions felt like:
Anxiety
Overwhelm
Maybe depression
Gut issues
Period pain
Shoulder pain
This is the stuff that EVERYONE suffered with, so it was normal right? It was all part of getting old (I was only in my 30’s!). What I know now is that these were superficial conversations from my body, which was trying to get my attention. Trying to make me see something wasn’t working and my wellbeing was feeling the strain.
Emotionally, I was very unwell, but I was VERY good at hiding that from everyone else, because emotions weren’t important, right? They were just an inconvenience and something only women suffered with that made them a pain in the arse so let’s not show them and be stereotyped…… So I used alcohol and drugs A LOT to sort my shit out (or not as the case may be). What I know wholeheartedly now is that emotions can never be buried and suppressed, because eventually (especially around perimenopause) they will rip roar their way out and through.
Your emotions are the foundation of your health because the way you see yourself is the way you feel yourself and every aspect of life.
Having trained with the wonderful human that is Anodea Judith on the psychology of the chakras, I became acutely aware of how my emotions were manipulating every aspect of my health and therefore the way I communicated who I was. But I wasn’t really communicating ME because my emotions were so distorted who I was projecting was a people pleasing manifestation cover-up (intense I KNOW).
What do emotions LOOK like then?
They look like doodles on your pad whilst you’re supposed to be working. It’s the way you dance to an awesome tune. It’s an eclectic bounce of sound - singing, sighing, shouting, laughing, crying WITHOUT fear or shame of letting them go.
I began to unravel this emotional entanglement through movement and art, increasing my understanding of emotional expression and the impact it was having on my nervous system. My emotions started to look like colours blending into each other on a canvas. Or a choreography of different moves that included yoga, dance, mobility, and martial arts. It was the release of sound from my body that had no intention or goal.
Try this….
Take a pen and paper to a quiet space where you can chill for 10 minutes.
Focus on your breath like a pebble, with the pebble dropping into your pelvis on the exhale.
When you’re settled, find the emotion you are currently feeling and sit with that for a minute.
Now take your pen and draw that emotion on your paper. If you can do this with your eyes closed even better.
Allow the emotion to drive the pen for a couple of minutes.
When you’re ready take a look at what your emotions look like and notice how this makes you feel.
When you’re responsible for your emotions, your world simply lights up
After investing so much wonderful time and a lot of my resources into my wellbeing, I don’t allow myself to get to the emotional pain points above because I value my wellbeing far too much.
Do you want to feel the full capacity of your emotional well-being? I offer 1:1 and group support. Click here to book a chat.
Big love
Abi x